


Levels

by i_daemon



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, First Kiss, Force Bond (Star Wars), Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-17 08:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13073532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_daemon/pseuds/i_daemon
Summary: pretty little grunge girl wants to fall in love with a gentle boy (@chileplumlibby)





	Levels

They were so close.

 

Within touching distance but he couldn’t find it in himself to reach out and touch her - not yet. As much as he wanted to invade her space, and trace the planes of her face with his calloused fingertips until he’d memorized her every expression, he was far to engrossed in her presence.

 

“You’ll turn. I’ll help you.”

 

He barely registered her words, too distracted by their proximity and smell of earth on her skin, the way that her eyes trailed down to his lips. It took all of his might to keep from smiling.

 

“No one can help me.”

 

“I can.”  
  
Her stubbornness radiated off of her like the midday sun and it became more endearing to him each time he saw it. He can see why he had started to crave the short exchanges they’d made during their Force-bonds. But this wasn’t a connection across space and time, this was real.

 

“How.”

 

The bridge of her nose crinkled in way that told him she was getting annoyed - something he had become quite used to in their intimate exchanges - and so he waited. His silence, he knew, was irksome to her and even though he knew they had a finite amount of time in the elevator he couldn’t help but teasing her.

 

“Come with me, Ben.”

 

 _Ben._ There she goes with that name again but despite his internal conflict with that name it never failed to soften his edges whenever Rey said it.

 

“I can’t.”

 

“You can.”

 

His gaze dropped from her own unable to hold onto the burning intensity that they held and he shook his head, dark waves shaking free about his face. “A fool’s hope.”

 

One he could easily buy into were it not for the fact that they were spearheads for opposing sides: her the Light and he the Dark.

 

“How?” An earnest lilt to his voice this time, one she noticed.

 

“Just come with me and we’ll figure it out. You’ve got more Light in you than you think, Ben.”

 

_Ben._

 

His gaze rose to the small pout of her lips and paused. “Why do you do that?”

 

“Do what?”

 

He bore his gaze into hers now, the full spectrum of his conflict and hurt alight in the depths of his eyes. And quietly, “Call me ‘Ben’.”

 

There’s a moment where she pauses, her gaze dropping down to his nose then to his lips. Force, save him from his own impulses.

 

“It’s your name.”

 

“Was.”

 

“ _Is._ It _is_ your name.”

 

 _Stubborn desert flower._ “I —” His tone was soft - too soft - and it caused the both of them to pause; talking to her in such a private space of the elevator was too intimate. “— I haven’t been Ben Solo in a long time.”

 

The droop of her shoulders wasn’t lost to him and he wished he could reach out and comfort her; something deep inside of him called out to the loneliness and hurt that he saw inside of her.

 

“You are when you’re with me…” Another pause and she was looking off to the side to avoid his searching gaze. “Why?”

 

He was not a liar, it was the one thing he had always held onto despite Snoke and the rest of the First Order trying to tear it out of him. “You…” Had he ever been this vulnerable with anyone else in his life?

 

No.

 

“You make me feel safe.”

 

Her gaze snapped up to his and by the Force he needed to get out of this elevator.

 

It was too tiny a space for them to be in — after all of their other exchanges it seemed  overly familiar — without making any sort of _real_ contact.

 

His fingertips tingled with the memory of their last encounter and it called up a completely new thought — one that was utterly forbidden to him — of pressing his hand against the curve of her hip, fingers stealing the heat of her body, to pull her close. Impossibly close.

 

“Ben, please…”

 

He clenched his fist hard enough to make his leather glove squeak in protest and lifted his gaze to her own, working to ignore the path his thoughts tried to take him.

 

Pink dusted her fine features and for an impossible moment he stared dumbly as it spread down her neck to spot around the crests of her collar bones.

 

“...what—”

 

A flash of colors and emotions passed through their shared bond and he found it suddenly harder to breathe.

 

Slim fingers tangling into dark tresses while the hard edges of the elevator walls left their imprint on her shoulders as Ben ‒ _Ben_ – pressed against her. His hands white-hot at the curve of her hips holding her still as their lips fought against one another - desperate,  _needy._

 

His next breath came out ragged, ruined, and beyond wrecked at the images flashing through his mind. It was only a brief second but it was enough to taint the rest of his thoughts and he struggled to keep his composure, struggled to stay rooted to the spot as he processed the same images that she was thinking of.

 

_Oh…_

 

Rey took a step back, face blooming like a rose, a garbled apology rushing past her lips. "S-Sorry-!"

 

“Rey.”

 

Resolution steeled itself within his spine and he took a step towards her to catch her hand in his own. The electricity that passed between the simple touch took him back to the time on Ahch-To in the small, rocky hut where he had made the move towards her like he is now. Except his intent was altogether different from their fireside moment.

 

“Ben, please…”

 

“Please what?”

 

Her gaze begged his to stop but the immense wave of clarity that came with that one look she pointed at him spurred him further.

 

“Say it.”

 

Her lips pursed together as if that was the only way that she was able to contain her words and he pressed forward until they are nearly flush against each other.

 

“Say it.”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“Of course you can.”

 

Another flush spread down her neck and as he began to register how many levels were passing them by on the elevator and he became desperate.

 

“...Please.”

 

Her fingers twitched against his palm where they were still connected and when she turned her gaze once more upon his face he was met with a sight that would haunt him. Rey had dropped her defenses in those few moments it took to make up her mind and he was struck with the intensity of her yearning.

 

“I – I don’t know how to ask it.” Even though she was inexperienced – and it showed – it wasn’t the only way he knew she could tell him.

 

“Then show me.”

 

She shifted, the faint stirring of her Force energy brushing against his, and opened her end of the bond completely as she stepped close to him and pressed a hesitant kiss to his lips. If any of his fits of emotion ever matched the way he felt in that single moment then he could easily conquer the galaxy but, for now he merely wanted to conquer her mouth.

 

She shifted, the faint stirring of her Force energy brushing against his, and opened her end of the bond completely as she stepped close to him and pressed a hesitant kiss to his lips. If any of his fits of emotion ever matched the way he felt in that single moment then he could easily conquer the galaxy but, for now, he merely wanted to conquer her mouth.

 

Another step closer and she was pinned between his leather-clad chest at the far side of the elevator, all of the sensations he felt in their shared vision multiplied until she was the only thing that he saw, or felt, or cared about. _Rey._

 

A muffled cry of surprise was caught between their fevered kiss but it quieted as he applied more pressure, dropping languid kisses against her lips until she caught his lower lip between her teeth and pressed for _more_.

 

And the roar of his heartbeat that followed their kiss drove him to sit straight up in bed.

 

_…_

 

His room was silent except for the near-silent hum of the engines that propelled him light years away from the one person he wanted to be with.

 

He dropped his head into both of his hands and pressed the heel of each hand to his eyes until all he could see were stars.

 

_Rey._

 

The silk sheets that bunched around his legs and waist were damp with sweat - disgusting - and he laid back down on his bed with a tired sigh.

 

_Two years._

 

The manifestation of her in his dreams served only one purpose – one he would live with until the end of his days – to torture him over his decision, over his lack of action when it came down to the one person in the whole universe that had truly understood him.

 

_I’ve never felt so alone._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
